Jared’s Subway Audition Comparing Subs to 16 Year-Old Pussy Should Have Been Red Flag, Exec Admits

Come to think of it…

MILFORD, Connecticut–Subway Vice President of Marketing Jeremy Conway admitted today that there were several statements made by former spokesman Jared Fogle during his initial audition that probably should have raised red flags and possibly affected the company’s decision to hire him.

“(Fogle’s) movements when he held the sub was very masturbatory,” Conway recalled, “He caressed it, and swayed his hips a little.  We all laughed, thinking he was just joking around.  He had a lot of charisma.”

Conway spoke about the audition after Fogle confessed to a litany of child pornography charges.  He was previously fired as Subway’s primary pitchman.

“At one point he took a huge bite out of a turkey sub, then seductively licked mayonnaise from his lips,” Conway said, “Then he goes, ‘Delicious.  Just like 16 year-old pussy.’ We were rolling on the floor.  He acted like he was smelling his fingers.  It was hilarious, but, yeah, probably pretty inappropriate.”

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