Dog Blows Through $30 Million Inheritance

Carrot after a recent arrest

PAWNEE, Illinois–Two years ago Carrot, a seven-year-old Australian Shepherd mix, made national headlines when he was named as the sole beneficiary in the will of his owner, Mary Stewart, who left her entire $30 million estate to the dog.  This week Carrot was in the news again when it was revealed that the playboy canine has spent his entire fortune–and now literally lives on the streets.

“Carrot was all about the Milkbones and bitches,” said one unnamed source, “He had a $30,000-a-week tennis ball habit.  Never chased the same ball twice.  And most of those bitches weren’t spayed.”

Stewart, who died of dementia at the age of 87, had three grown children who vehemently contested her will, to no avail.  The news of Carrot’s mishandling of his newfound wealth struck them particularly hard.

“It’s a travesty, first that Mother left our inheritance to that cur, and second that the filthy beast blew it all in under two years,” fumed Winston Stewart, Mary’s oldest son, “I’ve been told a full-time belly scratcher was employed at an astronomical fee.  And it’s been rumored that he has sired more than 100 illegitimate puppies.”

But close friends say that Carrot has never recovered from the heartbreak he felt when Stewart died, and has only turned to an endless stream of bitches, squeeze toys and rawhide strips to numb the pain of that loss.

“I’m really worried about Carrot,” said the source, “He hasn’t wagged his tail in months.  He’s been in and out of the pound.  And now he has no place to live and I’ve even seen him eating out of garbage cans.  I really fear he might just have a few years left.”

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