WASHINGTON, D.C.–Sources within the Obama administration confirmed today that the White House has purchased property insurance through State Farm that covers the entire state of Missouri. The policy lists President Obama as the sole owner, and will only pay in the event of a total loss.
“If the entire state were to become, let’s say, engulfed in flames and burnt to the ground, President Obama would make billions,” said Jake Forman, the agent who handled the sale, “But it would take a lot for a state to be considered a total loss. It would take, basically, months and months of civil unrest and riots.”
Forman said the president has also requested a quote for life insurance policies for individual residents of the state, but thus far hasn’t decided if he wants to make that purchase.
“I advised the president that with so many residents, it would take a major catastrophe with incredibly high death totals to make that purchase worth it,” Forman said, “He said he’d take it under consideration. But I’d say he’s leaning toward doing it. If he does, and the whole state goes to hell, Barack Obama will be the richest man in the world.”