WASHINGTON, D.C.–Vice President Joe Biden was called in to the Oval Office today by President Obama, who demanded an explanation for why the V.P. had popped positive on a third straight piss test. Sources report that Biden effectively smoothed things over with the increasingly frustrated Commander in Chief, promising to work twice as hard to make up for the indiscretion.
White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest told reporters the president directed White House staff to put the issue behind them, but warned all government employees there would be serious ramifications for anyone found to be providing the V.P. with illegal substances.
Biden has been submitting to weekly urine analysis since an incident last year in which First Lady Michelle Obama walked in on the V.P. naked and incoherent in a corner of the Blue Room clutching a photograph of pop singer Beyonce.