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Monthly Archives: May 2015

VP Biden Fails Third White House Piss Test

May 23, 2015by Sal Kingfisher 1 Comment

WASHINGTON, D.C.–Vice President Joe Biden was called in to the Oval Office today by President Obama, who demanded an explanation for why the V.P. had popped positive on a third […]

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Politics

St. Louis Police Shoot Unarmed, Unlegged Black Man

May 21, 2015by Sal Kingfisher 1 Comment

ST. LOUIS, Missouri–Tension filled the air here as protesters gathered outside the police station to voice their anger over the shooting death of yet another unarmed, unlegged black resident. Witnesses […]

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Crime

Coal Barons Admit They “Were Only Foolin’”

May 20, 2015by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

Gotcha! By Victor Miller BWN Special Correspondent TAILHOOK, Indiana–Marty and Blair Aghastique, world’s richest purveyors of anthracite—admitted king makers, secret Presidential manipulators and owners of governments from Washington to Canberra, […]

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Business

Congressman Proposes Building Fence Around the Earth to Keep out Illegal Space Aliens

May 20, 2015by Sal Kingfisher 2 Comments

WASHINGTON, D.C.–Amid growing concerns that there may be intelligent life in the universe, U.S. Representative Alan Fudd (R-ID) has introduced a bill that would fund construction of a massive chain-link […]

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US

Cannibal Regales Tribe with Wondrous Tales of Skyscrapers, Michael Moore Following U.S. Visit

May 16, 2015by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

PAPUA NEW GUINEA–Upon returning from a recent trip to the United States, Hupy, a Korowai tribesman, attempted to relate to his friends and family many of the wonders he experienced.  […]

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World

Divorcing Couple Engaged in Bitter Custody Battle over Piece of Shit Child

May 14, 2015by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

ROCK RIDGE, Arizona–Friends and family members have confirmed that Terry and Judy Montgomery are currently engaged in an acrimonious divorce following a rocky six-year marriage.  While both would like nothing […]

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Legal

Mad Max: Fury Road Review Review

May 14, 2015by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

Each week BWN entertainment editor Sparky Funstein reviews movie reviews from across the country, and around the world. This week, Sparky takes on Jeff Baker of the Oregonian and his […]

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Reviews

Girl Scouts to Offer Online Scouting

May 13, 2015by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

NEW YORK CITY–In an effort to increase membership and an eye toward modernization, the Girl Scouts of the United States of America will soon begin allowing girls to complete many […]

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Lifestyle

SPECIAL REPORT: SNOW WHITE’S SECRET JOURNAL DISCOVERED?

May 11, 2015by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

By Victor Miller BWN Special Correspondent HEIDELBERG, GERMANY…(GCO)–Although popular tradition has it that The Grimm Brothers collected the Sleeping Beauty tale from local peasants, recent archaeological finds in parts of […]

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History

Woman Able to Determine Which Female Co-Workers She’ll Hate Within Minutes of Starting New Job

May 8, 2015by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

BASTROM, Ohio–Katie Hobbs, a 24 year-old accountant, displayed remarkable abilities to determine which of her fellow female co-workers are most likely to have negative personality traits or undesirable social habits […]

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Business

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