MILWAUKEE, Wisconson–Harley Davidson CEO Keith Wandell announced today that the popular American motorcycle manufacturer has issued a nationwide recall of nearly a million riders of its popular motorcycles. Wandell said the recall was issued “due to the alarming increase in the quality of consumer purchasing the Harley Davidson brand.” Wandell promised that all riders recalled from their motorcycles would be provided a line of credit at their local Honda dealers along with DVD copies of the 2004 Ice Cube/Dane Cook film, Torque.
Harley Davidson released a statement explaining the reasons for the recall, which will affect numerous white-collar Harley riders with a focus on those in the medical and legal fields, as well as hundreds of thousands of bankers and financial advisers. The recall will also affect anyone who attempts to ride a Harley Davidson while wearing a helmet, without facial hair, or enjoys regular bathing.
“Harley Davidson deeply regrets any inconvenience unworthy riders may face as a result of this recall, but we feel it is necessary to ensure that real Harley Davidson fans can continue to enjoy the sense of superiority they have felt for more than a century,” the statement read, “And we want to make certain that true Harley enthusiasts will continue to purchase our over-priced and under-performing motorcycles the way they always have: by stealing, dealing drugs, and through the occasional contract murder.”