Buffalo Restaurant Workers Brace for Arrival of Rex Ryan

BUFFALO, New York–Newly hired Buffalo Bills head coach Rex Ryan’s economic impact is already being felt in this city of over 250,000 as area restaurants scramble to hire additional employees to accommodate an anticipated surge in business.   Mayor Byron Brown said that most cities enjoy an increase of nearly 35% in food sales during an average Ryan visit.

“With Rex coming here permanently, I think we can confidently estimate an annual increase in the upper 20 percent range,” Brown said, “And that may be a little low if Rex’s brother Rob visits more than a couple times a year.”

Some economic forecasters warn that Brown is being overly-optimistic, as Ryan has recently lost a considerable amount of weight after undergoing lap band surgery.  But Brown is confident that the frigid Buffalo winters and general depressing atmosphere will compel Ryan to return to his traditionally gluttonous eating habits.

“Plus, coaching the Buffalo Bills will make anyone crave comfort food,” Brown said, adding that former coach Doug Marrone packed on nearly 80 pounds in two short seasons, “It’s a shame Kyle Orton retired, but the fact that E.J. Manuel is still on the roster gives us hope that Coach Ryan will soon be back to an appropriate weight.”

A return to form would be seen by many as one final blow delivered by Ryan to New York City, where he was recently fired by the New York Jets after losing nearly 300 pounds and causing nearly 5% of workers in the food service industry to lose their jobs.  But even if Ryan never gets back to his pre-surgery level, his mere presence in the city has already been felt.

“The food service industry has already been impacted,” Brown said, “Folks are getting out and stocking up.  The restaurants are full.  People are getting what they can, while they can.”

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