Kim Jong Un Talks Relationships, Sony Hackers

Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (North Korea) Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un sat down with BWN foreign correspondent Stark Majors for a rare interview to discuss a range of topics, from North Korea’s fledgling nuclear missile program to his on again-off again romance with actress Jennifer Aniston.

BWN: Are you behind the recent hacks on Sony?

KJU: I can’t even operate my iPhone (laughs).  Honestly, I could care less about what Sony does.  Although we still have a plant that manufactures Discmans.  Did you know that?  They still make Discmans?   Apparently, they sell like hotcakes in places like Cuba and Haiti.  You know, the third world.

BWN:  It’s been reported that you were upset by the movie The Interview, in which Seth Rogen and James Franco portray assassins sent by the CIA to kill you.  Have you seen the movie?

KJU:  Have I seen it?  I’m in the movie!  That’s really me!  That’s what everyone doesn’t get.  This whole controversy about Kim Jong Un being upset, that’s all marketing dude!  It’s genius, right?  James Franco introduced me to my girlfriend.

BWN: There were rumors that you and Jennifer Aniston were split up.

KJU:  We’re working on it.  Sometimes it’s hard being in a committed relationship when you’re literally half a world apart.  And then I have all these chicks coming up to me all day every day being like “oh Dear Leader I love you” and it’s tough for a guy my age to not take advantage of that.  And Jen’s not cool with that.  I’m not gonna call her needy, but she can get clingy sometimes. 

BWN: Does Jennifer ever worry that if the two of you were to be married that you might have her killed?  You kill most of your loved ones.

KJU:  We’ve talked about it.  That’s kind of one of my quirks and she’s okay with it.  Every relationship has its good and bad points. 

BWN: How close are you to having nuclear weapons?

KJU: (Looks at watch) What time is it?  (Laughs) Naw, I mean, we’re getting there.  We can blow shit up, we just can’t blow you up yet.  We can blow up our neighbors if we want.  But you don’t shit where you eat.  Any dog knows that.

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