Teammates Praise Peyton Manning for Being “Exactly the Right Amount of White”

Manning is fearless when it comes to yelling at black teammates

DENVER, Colorado–Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning made headlines again this week when he completely avoided controversy or criticism of any kind following another Broncos victory.  The NFL’s all time leader in passing yards and throwing touchdowns added to both totals in a blowout victory against the Oakland Raiders.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard a bad word about Peyton,” said tight end Julius Thomas, “What’s to say, really?  He comes in and does his job as well as anyone in the history of the league.  He’s a little bit goofy, I guess.  Just a white boy.  He doesn’t try and act like a brother, which is refreshing.  He listens to country music.  Pretty much what you’d expect.”

No observers or sports writers have ever raised an eyebrow or even mentioned when the perennial All Pro yells at or chides his teammates, both black and white, for missing an assignment or running the wrong route.  Manning’s Broncos teammates seem to feel that there is no racial motivation of any kind when the caucasian superstar raises his voice to a black player, instead referring to Manning’s superior leadership abilities.

“Peyton?  No complaints there,” said wide receiver Demaryius Thomas, “He’s kind of a good ole boy.  He says he likes a couple of rap tunes, but it’s not really his thing.  Kind of what you’d expect from a white dude.  He sometimes wears black socks with his sandals.”

Despite throwing two early interceptions, Manning’s decision-making ability was roundly praised, along with his “sneaky” athleticism.

“Peyton’s pretty much what you’d expect,” said linebacker Von Miller, “Not real fast.  Strong.  Goofy haircut.  Corny.  Exactly the right amount of white.  Everyone just loves the guy.”

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