McDonald’s Introduces 99-Cent, Bio-Degradable, Big Mac

Have it your finger-lickin way

OAK BROOK, Illinois–In an effort to remain viable in the ultra-competitive fast food industry, McDonald’s Corporation announced today that it is offering its popular Big Mac sandwich for 99 cents, and that the burger is now bio-degradable.

“Our goal is for families to get the most value from their fast food dollar,” explained McDonald’s CEO Don Thompson, “And for our products to easily decompose in a way that doesn’t burden our fragile ecosystem.”

Thompson went on to point out that with so many fast food options available to consumers, the new lower prices will benefit families looking for affordable meals on the go, and will lessen the impact un-sold Big Macs pose on the environment.  Environmental experts estimate that nearly 10% of landfills worldwide are comprised of un-eaten Big Macs.

“The Big Mac has long been the cornerstone of McDonald’s,” Thompson said, “Now it is not only more widely available to everyone, but far less of a health risk and environmental threat than ever before.”

The announcement comes on the heels of a decade-long study in which researchers attempted to better understand how the human body is able to digest and then survive a Big Mac.  Big Mac attacks claim nearly 50,000 lives annually.

“McDonald’s plans to be here a long time,” Thompson said, “And we want our customers to be here as well.  And we want our Big Macs to, frankly, not be here as long as they have in the past.”

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