Putin Flips Crimea for a Cool Million
That real estate license is finally paying off MOSCOW–Call him President Trump. Russian President Vladimir Putin, who has been heavily criticized by the White House for his policy in Ukraine, […]
Monthly Archives: April 2014
Wilmer Valderrama Reviews Sex With Lindsay Lohan
Each week BWN special correspondent Wilmer Valderrama reviews the sexual prowess of the various Hollywood starlets he has bedded during his illustrious career. This week, Wilmer reviews Mean Girls and The […]
US Hotdog Makers to Stop Using Real Dog Meat
Free-range wiener dogs PORTLAND, OR–An American dietary staple is about to change forever. Representatives from the five major US hotdog manufacturers met here today to discuss the future of the […]
Johnny Manziel Flees to Canada to Avoid NFL Draft
He ran the last hundred yards TORONTO, ONTARIO–Former Texas A&M quarterback Johnny Manziel arrived here this morning, reportedly seeking amnesty to avoid being drafted into the National Football League. Manziel, […]
Study Suggests Fatass Kids More Likely to Develop Low Self Esteem
And epic beards GENEVA, SWITZERLAND–A new study funded by the World Health Organization has found that fatass children are at a more than three times higher risk of developing low […]
Star Wars VII to Feature Muslim Sith Lord, Gay Jedi Knight
Darth Obama bin Laden HOLLYWOOD–In a move insiders say is designed to appeal to the high moral standards of Disney’s target audience, it has been revealed that the next sequel […]
Church’s New Pastor Believes in God a Little Too Much
But he says the facts don’t support global warming EAST FORK, KY–When Reverend Paul Crockett came to the East Fork Church of Christ last year, the congregation at the small […]
