Each week BWN special correspondent Wilmer Valderrama reviews the sexual prowess of the various Hollywood starlets he has bedded during his illustrious career. This week, Wilmer reviews The Hunger Games and American Hustle star, Jennifer Lawrence.
Jennifer Lawrence is a very special actress. But not in a learning disabled way, as special suggests, but in a different way. Like being better than others. She is also very attracted to a man like me, who is special in my own way.
I first understood of Jennifer Lawrence when I captured her movie, The Hunger Games. The film was very intelligent. It was too intelligent. It was so intelligent that most filmgoers were unable to understand it at all. And I am one of those. Luckily, Jennifer Lawrence was graced by the screen, so there was something good to watch. I knew we would get along very sexually in an erotic way if we were to meet.
It is very lucky for a man like me that Jennifer Lawrence likes to drink a lot on some occasions. She was so drunk that she did not understand how I did not understand this movie she was in called The Hunger Games. It possesses very little food imagery. I wonder if you should be highly intoxicated to understand it. In much the similar way one should consume certain drugs before watching The Wizard of Oz. But not too many, because then the monkeys may return in your nightmare. It is a delicate balance.
I made love to Jennifer Lawrence in the passenger seat of my Sonata. It is paid for. The Sonata, not the sex, as I am not a male prostitute. Although I am been told that it would be a sensible career move. For the time being I will sticking with the craft of acting. Jennifer Lawrence is a very desirable and frightening when she made love to me. She is stronger than five men. I have too much pride to press charges that is something that a not so masculine man would partake of. But I would have a case.
She has no longer called me back nor has she ever. Nor text messages. I will not be watching The Hunger Games: Catching Fire because my heart is been broken and I am afraid I would not understand it without the assistance of LSD. I think about Jennifer Lawrence all the time and even the bad parts that she did with her fingers.
4 out of 4 Wilmer Valderrama’s
Wilmer Valderrama is an A-list actor and star of That 70s Show and one would assume that he has tried his hand as a music producer.