At least they aren’t hurting dogs
RICHMOND, VA–Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder announced that work would continue as planned on the team’s new training camp facility after it was discovered that construction was taking place on top of a sacred burial ground of the Pamunkey Indian tribe. Snyder said the timetable for completion of the project, which has been delayed twice already, would not allow for a third work stoppage.
“Our first building permit was denied because the area we were looking at was designated a historical site,” Snyder explained, “It happened to be the exact spot where Jimmy Dean, the sausage king, slaughtered his first pig. Our second choice caused a major uproar among Richmond residents because it would have involved tearing down the apartment building where Matt Lauer once lived.”
A group of Pamunkey tribal members gathered outside the construction site to protest the project, all of whom were quickly arrested for disturbing the peace. To address the controversy, Snyder flew in David Anthony Rendon, AKA Red Feather, a member of the Navajo tribe and an expert on acceptable treatment of Native Americans.
“There is nothing to be offended by if you are a true Native American,” Rendon said, “I know I, as a proud Navajo, would be honored to have my bones scattered by such a noble organization as the Redskins, who have done so much for the Red Man. Most Indians will tell you that the Washington Redskins not only do not demean us, but they actually make us look better than we really are.”
Snyder said the Redskins organization will be careful to treat the remains of those uncovered, which have been unearthed and spread across the building site by heavy equipment, with the utmost care and respect. He said he and team officials are currently discussing what to do with any recovered remains.
“It has been mentioned that we should return these remains to the tribe,” Snyder said, “But, technically, they are now Washington Redskins property, and, frankly, I believe we as an organization may be better suited than the Pamunkey tribe to oversee their care. We have discussed the possibility of displaying some of the remains in our new visitor’s center, perhaps adorned with Redskins gear, in order to honor the Pamunkey people.”