Death to America! Especially to Ralph Morgan!
WASHINGTON D.C.–In a joint study conducted by the Arab American Institute and the Central Intelligence Agency, researchers have discovered that the majority of anti-American sentiment found in several Middle Eastern nations is focused on Ralph Morgan, a 24 year-old marketing analyst from Providence, Rhode Island.
“In past months, we had been beginning to see an ease in tensions between the U.S. and many of these Arab nations,” says Sam Nabors, director of the study, “We were very surprised to see these images coming out of Tehran of crowds chanting, ‘Death to America’. Then we learned about Ralph Morgan.”
Nabors says a series of photographs that Morgan electronically uploaded to the social media website, Facebook, sparked outrage throughout the Middle East.
“There was no religious symbolism, nothing political,” Nabors says of the pictures, “There was nothing overtly offensive in any way. But something about the look on this guy’s face, this Ralph Fucking Morgan, makes you want to punch him right in the nose. I almost have to side with the Arabs on this one.”
The self-shot photos, or selfies, in question generally depict Morgan simply smirking at the camera with a look of smug self-satisfaction that immediately elicits feelings of anger or violence from the viewer.
One of the offending photos
“The intelligence we’ve been gathering indicates that, prior to the proliferation of Mr. Morgan’s Facebook page throughout the region, Middle Eastern views of America had softened,” says Nabors, “But these photos have managed to rekindle the fire of hatred toward the U.S. to unprecedented levels. If the situation continues to escalate, Ralph Morgan may be charged with a war crime.”