Poorly-Written Suicide Note Fails To Engage Readers

Experts suggest adding images and links, along with proper key word placement

DEL BOCA VISTA, FL–Friends and family are still stunned following the death of Nathan Thomas, a 22 year-old student, who was found hanging from a tree limb in the backyard of his rented home in this quiet Florida town.  Thomas, who is described as “happy go lucky” and “a guy who always lights up the room” by those close to him, apparently took his own life earlier this week.  A suicide note was discovered near his body, but so far no one has been able to ascertain what led Thomas to take such a drastic measure.

“I truly believe Nate left the note to answer any questions we may have to why he would do this,” says Cate Thomas, Nathan’s sister, “But we haven’t been able to figure it out yet.  By the time you get to the third or fourth paragraph, you really find yourself losing interest.”

Police have brought in a local English teacher for help, but thus far very little progress has been made.

“The grammar is okay, which is something I tend to look for first,” says Steven Pledger, who teaches literature at Del Boca Vista High, “But there’s no hook at all.  You read one passage, and by the time you start on the next you have forgotten what you’ve just read.  He has some really beautiful penmanship, though.  If I could have the note, I would actually frame it and put in on the wall, the penmanship is that good.  He just sucked as a writer.  Hey, maybe that’s why he offed himself, you know?”

Thomas’ father Dean, a local attorney, says he often argued with his son about a lack of focus, and believes that lack of focus may have driven his son to such an act.

“He rambled a lot,” says Dean Thomas, “It was really hard to follow Nathan when he was talking, and it seems like he communicated the same way with his writing.  Nathan was a journalism major, God forbid, and I know the first thing they teach you in journalism is to never bury the lead.  Well, I guess that’s just one more lesson Nate didn’t learn.  It looks like he would have struggled to make a living as a writer anyway, so maybe this is for the best.”

Authorities are hopeful that in the coming weeks someone will be able to get to the end of the suicide note and discover what drove Nathan to such a desperate act, but until then, there are only questions.

“Nothing about the note really pops, you know?” says Pledger, “It’s like reading a Joseph Conrad novel.  You’re like, do I really have to wade through all this bullshit to get to the point?  I don’t know, maybe I’ll take another crack at it this weekend.  Maybe put on a little Enya, turn out all the lights except my reading lamp and push through to the end.  I just  hope the ending is better than the beginning.  This poor family deserves answers.  I just hope I can be the one to give them those answers, so they aren’t forced to slog through this drivel themselves.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s