Ke$ha Sold Her Soul to the Devil and He’s “Totally Chill”

Satan gave her a totally original stage persona in return

 

Special to Broken World News

By Jillian Trevisanut

HOLLYWOOD–“It’s true,” Kesha stated earlier this week, “I don’t have a soul.”

For the first time ever the 26 year old
rapper/singer/yodeler/whatever came out about her unreal success.

Growing up wasn’t easy for Ke$ha, who was pushed into some dark corners.

“When I was a teenager my nickname was yodel-fart because when I sang it sounded like someone was taking a dump down my throat,” the soulless celebrity said.

Once realizing nobody enjoyed her lack of musical talent, the troubled 18 year-old at the time searched on Craigslist for singing lessons. When finally something seemed promising from screen name “Bieberluvr666” she optimistically got in touch with him.

“His ad simply said that he had all the answers to help me become a star. But I didn’t know it was Satan just waiting for me and junk — but I swear he’s totally chill.”

Compared to when she was younger, Ke$ha has changed a lot.

“When I met Lucifer –or Luci as he likes to be called, for the first time in that rat infested alley, I realized something new about myself,” the pop star smiled. “I was never so brave to do something like this before. I mean, from time to time I would pass a prostitute wanting to do some business as I was on my way home, but I never thought I’d actually step foot in that alley.”

Throughout her interview, Ke$ha blacked out a couple times and uncontrollably spoke in Latin, sometimes German. At one point it got so difficult a translator was called to interpret. But Ke$ha figured it out.

“It’s like an off switch,” she laughed.

What is in store for her future?

“Well, soon I will become completely evil. Like there’s a 99.9% chance I will start killing people and eating their insides. But if I had to meet the Devil all over again and deal with the same fate, I’d do it in a heartbeat. In the meantime I’m just gonna bathe in glitter and drink some Jack.”

Check out her newest hit single, “Can’t Wait to Taste Your Heart (Just Kidding I want Your Pancreas)”.

One response to “Ke$ha Sold Her Soul to the Devil and He’s “Totally Chill”

  1. Pingback: How does evil become “cool”? Read and watch the video and you’ll know how – Don’t consume this type of music. These tares are sell outs! | ARKOFGOD·

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