HOLLYWOOD—Police cited a little-known city ordinance when they arrested 50-year old actress Demi Moore over the weekend for drinking under the legal age of 21.
“Local law states that you are only as old as the majority of the your physical make-up,” Lt. Michael Weiss, media coordinator for the Hollywood Vice Squad, says, “Following her latest plastic surgery procedure, Ms. Moore is now 53.5% enhanced body parts, with a median age of 17 years. The law is the law.”
Ms. Moore and some friends were at the popular nightspot, ќϋL, to celebrate her latest procedure to rebuild elasticity in her labia.
“It’s my understanding that this latest procedure put her over the limit,” says Weiss, “A lot of actresses go through these surgeries looking for a fountain of youth. I guess Ms. Moore actually found one.”
Moore wasn’t the only one to suffer from the effects of her surgery. Her companion, Johnny Marler, a 21-year old aspiring actor, was arrested for statutory rape and providing alcohol to a minor.
“(Moore and Marler) were joking around about how sex was just like it was when she was a teenager,” reports a witness, “But the joke was on them both, because in the eyes of the law, it was exactly like that, for both of them.”
Moore was ordered to pay a $500 fine and undergo sex education counseling to learn about the dangers of engaging in unprotected sex.
“I think it will be good for her,” says Moore’s daughter, Rumer Willis, 24, “She’ll learn how important it is to protect yourself against STDs and unwanted pregnancy.”
Marler was released after posting $50,000 bond. His case is expected to go to trial in the summer, after he declined a plea deal that would include five years’ probation and having to register as a sex offender.
“Hopefully it will teach the cradle-robbing son-of-a-bitch to find someone his own age,” Willis added.