Easter Bunny Arrested For Allegedly Offering Holiday Handjobs In Lieu of Easter Eggs As Egg Prices Soar


Moments before the arrest, Mr. Bunny shields his face from cameras

EASTERLAND, CA—The Easter Bunny has been arrested at his mobile home in the Holiday Village trailer park following reports that he has been offering sexual favors in lieu of decorated eggs for the upcoming Easter holiday.

“Egg prices have soared over the past year, making it fiscally impossible for Mr. Bunny to perform his yearly duties,” says Herb Rothstein, the Easter Bunny’s attorney, “He has been looking at alternative treats for the kids, but nothing as nefarious as these wildly irresponsible allegations suggest. We look forward to having our day in court where the truth can come out.”

Lt. Alan Bailey, a spokesman for the Easterland Police Department, says that more than a dozen children who reside at the trailer park told their parents that a drunken Easter Bunny had approached them on numerous occasions in the weeks leading up to the holiday.

“Certain similarities in the allegations lead us to believe that there is some veracity to the claims,” Bailey says, “The phrase, ‘lucky rabbit’s foot’ came up again and again.”

The Easter Bunny has declined comment thus far, but Rothstein says he is looking forward to telling his side of the story.

“Mr. Bunny’s long history of charity work with children speaks for itself,” Rothstein says, “Besides, have you ever seen a rabbit’s foot? Believe me, there would be nothing pleasant about having that clawed appendage rub up against a sensitive region of the human body. Mr. Bunny knows this, and we hope any sensible person would as well.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s