Researchers Now Believe Amelia Earhart Crash Just Proves Women Shouldn’t Be Pilots

Historians think she should have given modeling a try

BERKELEY—Researchers at the University of California at Berkeley have spent the past two years painstakingly retracing the doomed final flight of pioneering female aviator Amelia Earhart in her attempt to circumnavigate the globe. While the research team, led by Dr. Perry Underwhite, professor of aviation history, have yet to recover the wreckage of Earhart’s aircraft, they have come to a remarkable conclusion as to why her attempt failed.

“All our data indicates that women just aren’t suited to be pilots,” Underwhite announced at the annual Society of Aviation History dinner, “It’s fairly conclusive.”

Underwhite says he and his team were able to ascertain that Earhart became emotionally unstable on several of her earlier flights due to the fact that her reflection from the concave glass canopy made her appear considerably more bloated than she actually was.

“There is also empirical evidence that the control panel had far too many bright and flashing lights and buttons,” Underwhite continued, “It would have been far too distracting for the female mind, not unlike peering upon an open jewelry case.”

Underwhite added that the Lockheed Electra aircraft that Earhart piloted had unwieldy pedals that would have been difficult to operate while wearing high heels, and that the hand controls would be impossible to manipulate without breaking a nail.

“I think it is quite probable that Earhart’s crash site will never be found,” Underwhite concluded, “It is likely that she simply tired of the whole operation, changed her mind and turned back toward home, only to run out of fuel because she forgot to fill up before takeoff.”

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