This Day In History: 25 Years Ago Barack Obama First Came To The United States

This 1979 photo provided by The Oahuan, the yearbook of Punahou School, shows Barack Obama in his senior picture at the Punahou School in Honolulu, Hawaii. Obama lived in Honolulu for most of his youth and graduated from the prestigious private school.

March 13, 1989—In the early morning hours a cargo ship docked in New York harbor. One particular storage container held a much lighter load than the others. When this container was opened, a tall, slender young Abdullah Mullah Jabar, Arabic for “Deceitful Prince” stood from where had knelt for the entire trip from Saudi Arabia and removed his turban. He would now be known as Barack Hussein Obama.

“I tried to convince him to take a different name,” Omar al Zapiti, Obama’s American contact, recalls, “I mean, why not just keep your real name if you’re gonna pick one that sounds like a terrorist anyway? But somehow it’s all worked out. Talk about hiding in plain sight.”

Armed with forged academic transcripts from American schools, a forged birth certificate and a buttery smooth mid-range jumper, Obama transitioned smoothly into American culture. His Saudi Arabian handlers often worried that the transition was too smooth.

“He used to joke around, talking about why would he need to take part in any Jihad,” Zapiti says, “He said he nailed over 40 virgins that first year at Harvard!”

Any lingering doubts were assuaged when Obama finally made contact with Alayna Mahan, who had come to the U.S. a decade before he and taken the name Michelle Robinson. Although violently un-attracted to one another, the two were soon married and Operation: Big Bad Brother was underway.

25 years later, Obama is into his second term as President of the United States and the ultimate goal is in sight. And that turban?

“Yeah, I kept the turban,” Obama laughs, “I can’t wait to see the look on everyone’s faces when I put that sucker back on.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s